Wow it sure has been some time since my fingers last hit the publish button. Almost nine months ago actually. But it sure feels good I can tell you that. See, my blog is all about balance in life, like making time for things you love while still getting all the hard work done.
And you would think that, me trying to help others balance would be able to hold my own. And well, that in the past nine months I, being so seemingly, "balanced" would have at least been able to have kept up with my blog.
But truth is?
I totally lost it.
I. lost. my. balance.
Maybe I was tripped. Pushed. Whatever you call it. But I fell. I fell so incredibly and INSANELY hard. But it wasn't because I was drowning in the chaos of life. I fell for someone.
And his name is Hunter.
& now I ask myself, "Who knew that falling could be so wonderful?!" The past nine months have been ones of a most exciting plunge into friendship, love, and adventure.
I know what you're thinking right now. Ew. T h i s b l o g i s f u l l o f g o o e y c h e e s i n e s s . And Clicheiness. If thats even a word. But let me explain falling.
Have you ever gone cliff jumping? I have many times, with my brothers or friends jumped off of waterfalls, diving boards, and small oceanside cliffs. And why the heck do we do it? Why the heck do we put ourselves in danger just for a few seconds of so called, "fun?!"
There's a certain freedom that comes with falling.
Catching the air.
Embracing the sun.
Even if only for a moment.
And in those few moments of falling you feel like you're in another world.
With Nothing holding you back or bringing you down except gravity.
But even so, that doesn't catch you until the end.
Becuase there is always one moment when you aren't going down.
You are rebeling against any force of nature and will the moment you tell yourself to jump forward.
There's this terrifying but indescribable feeling that swallows you just as you slice through the water.
And when you resurface the first breathe is like the first one you've ever taken and it tastes sweeter than any other.
And when you open your eyes, the world even looks sweeter.
Even through the blur of the waves or now ruined mascara.
Everything is sweeter.
and your body is surging with adrenaline and you
either can't wait to do it all again or you
just want to float there looking up at the beautiful sky that you feel you were just apart of.
We need those moments. The ones where we are free and crazy and even falling. Thats why we do it.
That's
why we jump.
We jump so we can f
all.
& we fall becuase its well, quite wonderful.
There's so much I could say.
But for now I'll just say that's how I fell for him. And I fall deeper every time I gaze into his green eyes, or he holds my hand, or I hear his voice, or he kisses my cheek. I fall. But I need it.
Nine months ago I stopped blogging. But that doesn't mean I've stopped writting. I was falling and capturing little moments just like I do when I'm flying off a cliff. Becuase nine months ago is when he so sweetfully asked if I would be girlfriend. And nine months ago I jumped, I fell, and said yes. ~10-31-15~ <3
Dear darling,
Some people think we are crazy. How could two kids on the brink of adulthood and who have known eachother for less than a year possibly know that they love eachother? Especially forever? How do they even know what love is? "It's a setup for heartbreak," they tell me. Nothing but excited hormones surging throughout the brain due to physical chemistry. And that we should end it now before we get too attached. They say we hold eachother back from life. But truth is, even if it didn't work out in the end, I would not take back a single moment. I have learned more about love from you Hunter than I have from any one of those arrogant know-it-alls. I love you Hunter. And if people wanna call what we have, only foolishness, or a simple romance, or anything but love, then I don't want love. I just want whatever we have. But if this is love, than it is the most wonderful thing I've ever experienced. And I want it forever. Thank you for being my best friend and true love the past nine months, Hunter. This distance is hard but I love you just as much from afar than I do when I am in your arms.
~And you know? Maybe they are right, we are crazy. But we are also happy. And that counts for something.
And in thirty years from now when all those people realize it, they are going to be wishing they had jumped and fallen too.
Love, Tori
